It’s Been 6 Months Today….

by Cynthe on April 27, 2009

Marc & Bri Brownlow at a family gathering in 2007

It’s hard for me to believe as each month passes, one after the other….it’s six months today since Brizy died. Half a year, already.

We’re doing okay. But grief is a long, drawn out process. It has its own unique pace with each of us.

Marc’s life has been rather intense with work demands and his own demands in assembling a beautiful presentation from the memorial video. It’s helped him process how much he loved her, what a special person Bri was, and the unique relationship they had. Just finished it last week and will be sending it to those of you who wanted to attend the December 2008 Memorial, but weren’t able to. He will also be mailing copies to family members and close friends as a way of remembering how much Bri was loved….and especially how she LOVED life and all of you.

Marc’s life continues to go through radical changes. His job ended last week, until the company can get additional funding for projects in development. In the meantime, Marc was asked on the spur of the moment to go to Germany for a short term 1-3 weeks job for a friend of his from automotive design school. So, he’s there now, working under a pressured time-line and suffering more than he expected from jet lag. Hope it turns out well and that he can get some R&R in too.

Bill and I are feeling burdened by everyday life. Slowed down and a bit out of it. Impacted by responsibility of possessions and duties. And having some difficulty dealing with the pace of life. Yet, really, we have it pretty easy. Responsibility for the “stuff of one’s life” seems overwhelming. Must thin our clutter and streamline this year, if we can find the time / impetus.

It’s great having Marc’s brother, David (my youngest son) back living with us. Though the house is stuffed to the gills with all four of us, and Bill’s and my graphics / web design business, we’re happy to be together.

Hope every one of you FWB readers is doing well. Please know we appreciate you, and especially, are comforted knowing how you loved Bri and supported her creative efforts here.

Affectionately,
Cynthe, Bill, & Marc

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Happy Cook April 28, 2009 at 6:25 am

Good to know that marc is keeping busy and now that heis in germany for 3 weeks, that change might do him ood, even if it is for work.
You indeed have a full house , but i am sure it is really a good feeling to have your sons at home. Especially the younges one moving back.
Hugs to you and family.

Jen Yu April 28, 2009 at 7:13 am

It’s been six months and I think of Bri often. Feels like more time has passed and yet – feels like it was just yesterday I read of her relapse. I want so badly to drop her a line and tell her my hair came back in curls too. Want to thank her for being so positive. I know you must all be reeling still. It takes time and the process is not easy. You never forget, but hopefully, you will heal and eventually the memories will bring more smiles than tears. Hugs to you all, but especially Marc.

Cynthe Brush April 28, 2009 at 7:32 am

Happy Cook ~ Yes, our whole family and extended family are hoping Marc’s Germany trip will be revitalizing for him. A few days ago he sounded profoundly exhausted when I called to check in. But he has another 13 days before he flies back…

My husband has family in Germany, whom Marc will be visiting this weekend and next weekend. They’ll love him up and show him their beautiful part of the country – Reutlingen near Stuttgart & Ravensburg in southern Germany near Switzerland.

Cynthe Brush April 28, 2009 at 7:55 am

Jen ~ Feel free to write Bri here ANY time. I’m sure she checks in, now and then.

People have different ideas and beliefs about what’s on the “other side.” But I’ll share some curious experiences since Bri’s death…that make us sense she’s trying to say “Hi” to Marc and “I love you.”

Shortly after her death, when Marc was working on-line, her photo avatar kept popping up on his posts. He was still deep in grief and quite frustrated about the anomaly. No matter what Marc and my hubby (who’s quite techie) did, they couldn’t get Bri’s sweet photo from appearing over and over again. I smiled as I overheard their conversation, was sure she was saying “Hi!”

A month ago or so, Marc was listening to his iPod music mix, which shuffles randomly through the 1000’s of songs he has, as he worked on the memorial piece. He wondered to himself if Bri has any “active” influence in his day-to-day life. For the next 2 hours solid, EVERY song that came up for play was a love song…some with truly touching lyrics….many of which Marc had never listened to before, since they were from his friend Brian’s collection. Marc came downstairs with a beaming smile to tell us. There’s nothing quite so sweet as being loved!

Helen-Tartelette April 28, 2009 at 8:24 am

My heart goes out to you and your family. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my brother who passed away from cancer at 38. Time does not heal things, it eases them, but I’ll take any day with less pain in my heart. Bri is an inspiration, her journey is a tribute to life its pursuit.

Helen.

Manggy April 30, 2009 at 9:13 am

Thank you for keeping us up to date with Marc and the family. I still think of Bri every now and again– I’m sure she is watching over you always 🙂 Take care and I wish your family all the best.

Cynthe Brush April 30, 2009 at 11:02 am

Helen & Manggy ~ Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

They mean a lot to me….and I’m sure Marc will appreciate them, too. When he returns from Germany and has time to take a look.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother at such a young age, Helen. The holes left in our families strike especially deep.

My sister was shocked to find out her beloved painting teacher died this past JAN and more recently her downstairs neighbor succumbed to pancreatic cancer. More losses layered on top of Bri’s death.

As I wrote to her “I do like noticing what reminds me of the people I loved though. It’s a sweet way of keeping their memories close and sending/receiving love from where ever they may be.”

maryann May 1, 2009 at 1:03 pm

You and your family are in my heart and prayers today.
xox

Nicisme May 1, 2009 at 1:23 pm

I often think of you all, take care,
Nic.

bee May 1, 2009 at 4:31 pm

cynthe, bill and marc,

wish you healing, peace and love. and find memories of bri.

bee and jai

Cynthe Brush May 2, 2009 at 8:19 am

Maryann, Nicisme, Bee & Jai

~ Thank-you for your kind thoughts. Just seeing your names here on FWB makes me think of Brizy and how lovingly the blogging community embraced her….and now the rest of us. Warms me from the inside out on this gray, drizzly day.

shankari May 4, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Here is to keeping fun memories of Bri alive.

My aunt lost her life to cancer last weekend 🙁

Cynthe Brush May 4, 2009 at 9:29 pm

Shankari ~ Gosh…sorry about your aunt’s struggle and your family’s grief.

The losses are piling up on our hearts, as my sister commented, like “layers of phyllo dough.” A reminder to savor each moment with FULL attention…just as we would a golden honeyed piece of baklava.

And, YES! Let’s remember how fun-loving Bri was. For me, these days the smiles & tears are all mixed together…like rain and rainbows.

farida June 24, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Dear Cynthe and Marc,

I think of Bri often. Although I didn’t have a chance to meet her personally (we only emailed each other regarding the fundraiser and she sounded so friendly), her life story touched me to the deepest of my heart. I know what a pain of a loss is as I’ve experienced it with a young family member not long ago… I hope your pain eases with every passing day and you continue to cherish the sweet memories of such an inspiration young woman. Stay strong.

Cynthe Brush June 24, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Farida ~ Thanks for coming by.

Very sorry to hear of your own family loss, especially of someone young. Certainly, we miss our elders when they go…

But with someone young, we also grieve the shock to our expectations of having more time to enjoy them, of the lost possibilities for their lives, dashed hopes & all the unfulfilled plans.

Marc is planning a trip to offer Bri’s ashes to the ocean – in Hawaii a place she truly loved. I awoke this morning imagining a lei of gorgeous fragrant flowers floating on azure waves. The sea filled me…overflowing in thin trickling streams to the pillow.

As time passes…grief is like that. An upwelling of sadness, followed by a memory of something sweet that makes you smile. We’re doing much better these days. More smiles & laughter than tears. But, we’ll always miss Bri long after the tears have dried.

dave July 2, 2009 at 11:23 am

Love you bri — thank you for touching my life…

Cynthe Brush July 2, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Dave ~ I know Bri loved you….and loves you still. Thanks for stopping by.

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